Woody Allen’s Magical Romp Through Paris…and Time

Three and a half stars

Woody Allen’s new film, “Midnight In Paris”, is a magical romp through Paris. What I didn’t expect was that it would also be a film about time travel. Woody Allen, I suppose, could have been an English professor. When I was in college, I was an English major, and I have heard of all the people that are referenced and played in this movie through my American and English literature classes. This film isn't about just time travel, but about a man's desire to fulfil a dream.

The film opens on screenwriter, Gil (Owen Wilson), and his girlfriend, Inez (Rachel McAdams). They are in Paris with her parents. Gil is an old time romantic when it comes to Paris and literature. He wants to go to Paris so he can give writing a novel a shot. His girlfriend and her parents would rather go shopping, and go dancing. They meet up with another couple who want to do the same. Gil just wants to walk through Paris, and be inspired by it.

One night, when he is sitting on the steps of a church, an old car pulls up and invites him in. He rides in the car, and arrives at a party where he is introduced to two people who he kind of recognizes. They end up being F. Scott Fitzgerald and his wife. They go to a café. Hemmingway is sitting there. Gil is shocked. The film keeps going back and forth between Gil’s modern life and Gil’s time travel adventure. He keeps going back to the same spot night after night, and he keeps getting into the car. One night he ends up at Gertrude Stein’s house. They all speak the way I would imagine them speaking,intellectually. Gertrude Stein will read his novel, after she is done arguing over culture with a friend of hers. Stein is played by Kathy Bates. Ah, to go back to that old time culture where high class people sat around at parties talking intellectually and listening to Cole Porter. But then I digress.

One of the wonderful things about Woody Allen, is that he doesn’t really care if you know who these people are, but if you where a English major or a person of a certain age, you really should know who these people are. When Gil comes back and tells Inez of his time with Hemmingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, T.S. Elliot, Cole Porter, Gertrude Stein and other important people of the bygone era, she thinks he is nuts and has a brain tumor. Owen Wilson is obviously playing the Woody Allen part, and he makes a charming Woody Allen.

Gil, like Woody Allen, is in love with the city. The film opens with a montage of Paris. No one shoots a city like Woody Allen. This is a film that people who are well read will get a kick out of. Not to say that someone who never heard of these authors and writers will not enjoy the film. They will. Woody is tipping his hat to a bygone literary era. These are writers Woody Allen probably admires as well. I wonder if this film, if made years from now, would have people traveling back in time to meet up with J.K. Rowling and Stephen King? Only time will tell.

"Thor" is the stuff of Saturday morning cartoons

Two Stars

“Thor” is kind of a silly film, and it’s a mystery why the director is Kenneth Branagh, the director of mostly Shakespeare movies. Yes, I know, he probably got paid a lot better to direct “Thor” than he did to direct “Titus” or “Hamlet”, but still it’s kind of a perplexing choice. The scenes where Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is in another realm (universe? a friend of mine pointed out that its perplexing. How did anyone miss the realm that seems to be floating right above earth?) Anyway, the good news about this film is that everyone seems to be in the joke. While films like “Spiderman II” seems to take the idea of a superhero seriously, “Thor” seems to laugh at itself at times. The audience I saw it with seemed to be laughing at certain scenes, like when Thor tastes coffee for the first time, throws it down on the floor and says he wants more or when his friends from the other realm show up, all dressed up in their gear in the little New Mexico town Thor showed up in. “Thor” starts out in their own realm where they are at war with ice creatures (I’m not sure if that’s the right term for them). Thor is going to become king in the beginning, but soon makes a mistake by fighting the ice creatures without his father’s permission. I’m not sure if I was supposed to laugh out loud when Thor’s father shows up on the horse, and Thor turns around and goes “Father, we can fight them together!” but come on.

Anyway, of course, on earth, he meets a scientist (of course, the scientist is Natalie Portman), and they end up falling in love. She falls in love with him after he shows her the stars. But things get messy when the evil government comes along and takes away all her files, because the government is trying to figure out about the hammer that Thor left in the ground. No one can seem to pull the hammer from the ground. I don’t really know why the government cares about a hammer no one can pull from the ground. Natalie Portland is probably the most attractive scientist I’ve ever seen (no offend to scientists). She has another scientist with her, who also is very attractive (Kat Dennings) and a guy who is helping them lead their science experiments (Stellan Skarsgård) Anyway, Thor crash-lands on earth, after his father banishes him. His father falls into a deep sleep, and his brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston) takes over. He becomes king, and he betrays his brother and his father by going over to the other side. Anyway, there’s a lot of mythology going on.

There’s a lot of stuff going on. Including betrayals, fights with giant robots sent from the other dimension and so on. The scenes where he is battling in the other dimension felt like a Saturday morning cartoon to me. The film isn’t all bad, and has some laughs. At least we know that even the cast has a sense of humor about this, but the problem is that for those who want a serious superhero movie, “Thor” isn’t really it. The current films, “Spiderman” “The Dark Knight”, "Iron Man" and "Superman Returns", takes the idea of a superhero more seriously. The villain doesn’t really measure up either. We kind of understand why he would go to the dark side, but still he doesn’t really fit the bill. There are way better superheroes and way better villains. “Thor” seems weirdly outdated. He runs around without a shirt on, all strong, with long hair and talking about how he needs to go back to his world to fight.

Going back to the conversation I had with my friend, she said she was annoyed they messed up with the mythology and that mythology is interesting the way it is. I’m no expert on mythology myself. As I said in another review, while I was in college, I just hardly passed Greek and Roman literature. That being said, I hear that Rick Riordan’s bestselling YA book series, “Percy Jackson”, which is about a kid who discovers he is half Greek God and goes on adventures that include mythology probably did a better job of not messing with mythology so much. Though, with today’s fantasy and science fiction, there are plenty of better superheroes out there. The kind of superhero, a strong, shirtless man from another realm has kind of seen its day as far as superheroes go. We love Spiderman, Batman and Superman because let’s face it; they are still kind of insecure. Heck, why can’t Percy Jackson or Harry Potter be considered superheroes these days? That being said, “Thor” is a fun film. The problem is that there are just better superhero movies than “Thor”. Part two of “Harry Potter and the Deathly Harrows”, opens in theaters this summer. Harry Potter takes its fictional tale very seriously, as does Batman and Spiderman and Percy Jackson. Harry’s not really considered a superhero. Though, who’s to say who isn’t one these days?

Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind

Three Stars

‘Paul’ is a spoof of science fiction films, and references ‘E.T.’, ‘Aliens’ and even um, ‘Mac and Me’ and while it’s not a great satire, it’s a sweetly nerdy satire and celebrates the genre of science fiction. It’s the story of two nerds (Simon Pegg and Nick Frost) who get their wish in a way of meeting an alien. The film first takes us to a faraway place where people act strange and alien, which is the San Diego Comic Con. People in costumes, comic books and their favorite science fiction author, Adam Shadowchild (Jeffery Tambor) are all there. The two nerds Graeme and Clive are having a blast. They are two science fiction loving geeks, and Clive even has written his own comic book which he hands to his favorite science fiction author. “Let me guess,” He says, “you’re a writer.” Then they go off on a road trip in a big RV across America to see different places where UFO’s have been sighted. They end up on their way meeting an alien (CGI voiced by Seth Rogan). They decide to save the alien from Area 51, and then get in a bunch of trouble.

The film follows Pegg, Frost and the alien as they are on the run from a government agent (Justin Bateman). Then they bump into a girl (Kristen Wiig) who is a creationist and at first thinks Paul is the devil. She even had a t-shirt of Jesus shooting Darwin. They eventually become friends, and the film becomes something of a science fiction spoof crossed with a road picture. The film has plenty of science fiction references, but not overboard. Paul’s favorite candy is Reese’s Pieces and he even advises Spielberg at one point on an alien movie he is working on back in the eighties.

Like ‘Hot Fuzz’, the last film written by Pegg and Frost, ‘Paul’ is a one joke premise. Two nerds find an alien, and do a straight forward spoof of other science fiction films. It spoofs mostly the film, E.T. and tries to play it fairly straight. The film, though, does a pretty good job of playing it straight. It always has some American/British humor thrown in there. The two nerds are from Britain. Though, they always dreamed of coming to America, if not for any other reason than to go to the San Diego Comic Con. There’s a couple gay jokes thrown in about the two best friends traveling together, and Paul even asks them if they are together. They aren’t. They are simply two nerds who are achieving their dream of going to Comic Con, the super bowl of nerd culture. So, a trip to see the best UFO spots and meeting an alien along the way seems appropriate.

There’s plenty of nerd humor in ‘Paul’ but you don’t have to be a nerd to enjoy this film. At times the humor works better than other times, but the film never falls flat the way it could of. Paul isn’t the most interesting alien. He smokes and does mostly normal stuff. He moons people from the RV. Apparently, he’s had much influence over popular culture of the last sixty years. Despite the two nerd’s first reaction, fear of being probed, Paul assures them that’s not what he does. He’s way too interested in smoking and cursing to tell the two guys about the secrets of the universe. The humor can be a little crude at times, but nothing crude enough to flatten the premise. The main point of the film is to reference science fiction and nerd culture, and ‘Paul’ does a pretty good job of that.

The cast has fun with the premise. It’s basically a nerdy love letter to science fiction. They have some nerd humor thrown in there. The film is directed by Greg Mottola, who directed the funny ‘Superbad’ and he lets everyone just have fun with the premise. ‘Paul’ was written by Nick Frost and Simon Pegg, who made the very funny ‘Shawn of the Dead’, and though ‘Paul’ is not quite their best work, it’s funny. And there’s a cameo by Sigourney Weaver. She knows a thing or two about fighting aliens.

Turn Up The Volume, New Paltz

Excuse me, as I turn up the volume. Oh, didn’t you hear? New Paltz is facing a noise ordinance. Which bands do you like? R.E.M.? Pearl Jam? The Rhodes? Ghost Mall? I really like Motion City Soundtrack and Jimmy Eat World. I know that’s a bit emo. But hey, this is New Paltz, and this is quite the noisy town. Oh, I guess I’ll just have to blast something I’m really good at blasting: My words.

New Paltz without noise is like a film without a soundtrack, it’s like a country without a president, it’s like a bar without beer and it’s like a newspaper without articles. This noise ordinance being proposed by the mayor is more than just about New Paltz and its noise level. It’s about the soul of this town. It’s about the music scene. It’s about the college town we are. And believe me; this is coming from someone who hates noise. I’m a quiet soul. I like to write and read, and I like it to be quiet. Though, I love this town and I will not see it be changed by a mayor who wants to turn this into just another town. No. No. New Paltz is a college town. Not a quiet suburb. And it’s time for us college students to fight against the noise ordinance being proposed by the mayor. I ask you; fellow New Paltz residents to stand against the noise ordinance. Turn up the volume and blast Mayor Dungan. It’s time for New Paltz to fight back. Not quite sure what I am talking about? Well. Let’s look at the noise ordinance.

The Noise Ordiance reads that “Otherwise hereinafter provided, it shall be unlawful within the limits of the Town of New Paltz for any person to make, continue, aid, countenance, cause to be made or assist in making any unreasonably loud, disturbing and unnecessary noise on Sunday commencing at 8:00 p.m. and continuing through and including Monday at 7:00 a.m. and during the same hours upon each successive evening and morning of each successive day of the week thereafter through and including Saturday at 7:00 a.m. and on Saturday commencing at 8:00 p.m. and continuing through and including Sunday at 9:00 a.m.; provided, however, that the foregoing hours shall be extended until the hour of 9:00 am.” That’s right. Kiss your weekend goodbye, New Paltz. Mayor Dungan wants you to give up your drunken weekend and loud bar nights because he wants it to be quiet on a freaking weekend. I hate to sound like a party animal spoiled brat, but hey! I’m writing this for your own good, New Paltz. This is New Paltz. This isn’t the little hometown you came from. Let’s be honest, fellow New Paltz students. Do you want to give up your weekend nights?

Mayor Dungan wants you to. He wants peace and quiet. And hey, when I’m studying or not going out to the bar myself, I understand the need for peace and quiet. Though, I am willing to give up my discomfort about noise in order for the greater good of New Paltz. The Noise Ordinance reads that “Yelling, shouting, etc.: yelling, shouting, hooting, whistling or singing on the public streets, particularly between the hours of 11:00 p.m. and 7:00 a.m. or at any time or place so as to annoy or disturb the quiet, comfort or repose of persons in any office or in any dwelling, hotel or other type of residence or of any persons in the vicinity.” Here, we go again. The Mayor wants to fine you for talking too loud and singing. That’s inane. And I bet, he knows it, and I am willing to bet that this isn’t about just about noise. I feel like this noise ordinance is about a radical transformation of the town of New Paltz.

Notice the language that is used in the New Paltz Noise Ordnance for noises that are deemed acceptable. The ordnance states that “lawnmowers” and “church bells”, as well as noises created by carnivals and the local government and industries shall be excused. It’s ironic that it mentions local industry. What? The bars on Saturday night aren’t a local industry? If it wasn’t for the revenue the students of New Paltz, bring to this town, New Paltz could end up another ghost town. And what about the New Paltz music scene that is so embedded in our town’s culture. This noise ordinance is aimed towards the students of New Paltz. That’s a shame because, as I said, I love New Paltz, and I would hate it to transform into just another town along the freeway. Check out the facebook group "Say No to the New Paltz Noise Ordinance". So join me, New Paltz. And bring your boomboxs.

My Favorite Anime's

I usually write longer posts than this. Essays on current ideas, films and events. Though, for a while, nothing has really presented itself for a column, so I decided to simply suggest some of my favorite animes in a short blog post. What you see is a picture from Haibane Renmei, an anime I love. In fact, when I was working on an unfinished fantasy novel I have on my shelf, I was thinking of Haibane Renmei alot. It's a mysterious anime and a very good one. I also am writing this for those new to anime. I think these are good places to start. One of the things I love about anime is often it's characters are just so lovable. You just want to climb into the world of that anime and live there.

1. Fooly Cooly- What can I say about FLCL? It’s like ‘Catcher in the Rye’ on drugs. The story of a kid named Naota, a lonely and angry kid with a guitar and a single father who would rather be a jerk than help his son whose mother is never mentioned and whose brother is over in the U.S. playing baseball. One day he is run over by a motorcycle with Haruko on it, who is a women who may or may not be a alien. What follows is a mixture of bizarre events coupled with a coming of age story. At the beginning of FLCL, Naota says nothing ever happens in his town. By the end, he is proven that sometimes things do happen in town, yet not even he can explain what those things were.

2. Haibane Renme- The story of a girl who wakes up as an angel creature. She has wings and a halo, yet, she isn’t quite sure what she is. She’s a haibane. And she lives in a castle with others like her. She can’t remember what she is. All she remembers is that she was falling through the sky at the beginning of the anime. And thus, the anime becomes something of a meditation on life and the mystery of it.

3. Genshiken- This might of been the Big Bang Theory before the Big Bang Theory. It’s the story of a group of nerds who run an anime club. It’s an anime about an anime club. A freshman, Kanji, who is just coming to terms with the fact that he is an otaku, the Japanese word for nerd, finds a place he belongs among these outcasts who start an anime club. Things get even weirder when they find that a girl wants to join their club. A fairly attractive girl. They are baffled, and thus start one of the funnier animes I’ve ever seen.

4. Eureka Seven- This anime is about a boy and an alien girl. Ok, that sounds cliché and boring. Though, try not to fall in love with the characters. The main character is a boy named Renton, who lives on a spaceship with its crew. One day there is a crash and Eureka emerges. She is a pale young girl with turquoise hair. She is also awkward and has trouble communicating with humans. And so does a young teenage boy. And thus, Renton falls in love with Eureka.

A Writer at 24

I usually write film or book reviews on this blog or tidbits on how to write. I don’t usually write just random pieces about myself. I like to stay on topic. Though, I guess now that I’m turning twenty four, I think I should write about some things I am happy and disappointed about. Some things I’m happy about are that I have an elegant writing style and dry wit that has gained a following, and wide syndication on the internet. My goal is to break out of internet syndication and be put into syndication in newspaper. I still love that feeling of being published on paper. I know I was born in the wrong era. Also, I want to write a novel, and be sure to win a Pulitzer Prize. I hope that my reviews of film and books are better than just fan boy raves or rants, as often so much of the criticism on the web tend to be. I also hope some people get some use out of my writing advice columns. My goal is ultimately a few things which are to write novels and a syndicated column, and to win a Pulitzer Prize for commentary or criticism. We can’t forget that Pulitzer, because I plan on putting that on every book cover of my series of fantasy novels aimed towards children, as well as my adult novels written in the style of Nick Hornby. I hope though that my elegant poses really get noticed, and this blog leads to a job (hopefully at a newspaper). Also, that my memoir “I’m Annoying” becomes a national bestseller, and gives hope to hopeless college students across the nation. They’ll say, hey, this guy was annoying too, and made a career out of it. Maybe I can too.

Though, I mean the good kind of annoying. Not the Rush Limbaugh, holier than Gawd, kind of annoying. My goal is to, while I ponder what my novel is going to be, is get a job at a newspaper. I want to write either reviews or columns. I started to write columns when I was still in high school, writing commentary about politics, technology, film and life in general. The title ‘columnist’ just seems to fit me. I’ll write conservational poses. It’s like we are talking on a bench about the subject I am writing about, and it’s that folksy unique lookout on life that’s going to get my column syndicated to five hundred newspapers, plus the book collections of columns and the speaking engagements, as I sit inside my nice house, polishing my Pulitzer Prize, than I will write a series of fantasy novels for kids and a adult novel that will all be bestsellers, as my readers of the newspaper column will follow me into the bookstore stacks and hand over hard earned cash to buy books with my name on it. See my dashing picture above the column every week in the newspaper, as I embarrass my future children by writing about them in my syndicated humor column.

Than I will remind my children that it is my syndicated column that had paid for the roof over their head. And it’s that column that will pay for their future therapy sessions. After all, I will tell them, I went to New Paltz. My mom asked me the other day why New Paltz doesn’t have a P.E. requirement like SUNY Binghamton that my brother attends, does. I told her that the only thing we exercise at New Paltz is our emotions. Of course, I’ll attend liberal New Paltz, and be liberal, until I make a million bucks from this column people post on their fridge and then I’ll turn conservative like P.J. O’ Rourke or Charles Krauthammer or George Will. Not like Ann Coulter. I mean the lovable conservatives. The ones, who have a sense of humor, like Dave Barry. The problem is that first of all, I need a syndicated humor column that people find cute. As I write about my kid’s cute problems and complain about my wife. Than people will post up the newspaper column on their fridge and go, yes, that guy has the same problems as I do. Like, little do they know, I do and I don’t. After all, I am an elitist of the mainstream media. After reading about a horrible event on the cover, they will turn to the opinion pages to read about my latest adventure, finding humor in everyday life.

Anyway, those are my future plans. Also, that my syndicated column gets turned in a sitcom that runs for around eighty eight episodes, than gets sold into syndication. Did you know that Dave Barry had a sitcom based on him and ‘8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter’ is also based on a humor column. The humor column was by W. Bruce Cameron. He started out writing humor columns on the internet, which soon led to him being the most e-mailed columnist on the web. Soon after, he got a job for the Rocky Mountain News writing a humor column. After that, syndication followed. Then a sitcom based on his column about his teenage daughters. So, both of those guys ended up divorced. It didn’t stop them from writing humorous antidotes about their family life. Though, I’ll never have to worry about that. I’ll never divorce a woman who finds my annoying personality charming. And after, all that’s why coffee was invented.

So I have a fictional version of myself on TV. Hopefully with a better looking wife than the one I’ll end up with. Also, a better looking me, and cuter kids, and then as I said, the name ‘Alec Horowitz’ will be a brand name. It’ll be a name people turn to when they want a column to put on their fridge because the story I told was either humorous or touched their hearts. Also, because I won the Pulitzer Prize for commentary, and my humor column provides them with some solace in their depressing lives. But hey, I only say this is my business plan because writing these humorous little columns seems to be the only skill I have. Maybe I should have taken up something else in my 24 years on this planet. Oh, I don’t know. Like skydiving or modeling. After all, I do have a face for pictures. Think of the girlfriend I could have had. And think of the girlfriend you could have had.

Tips On Writing

Recently, the Huffington Post ran a piece about the new rules for writers. After reading the piece, I thought to myself that it was time to get back to basic rules for writing. So, here are my rules for writing.

1. Read. I can’t tell you how important that is. I can’t stress that enough. I can’t tell you how many people come up to me and tell me they are writers, yet they don’t have time to read or don’t really like to read but yet they say they are amazing poets or great storytellers. Nothing against Harry Potter, but if you’re going to re-read Harry Potter fifty times, and read nothing else, then that’s not really preparing yourself for being a writer. That being said, J.K. Rowling is amazing at back story and clear poses. She has some great lessons to teach those who want to write. Though, if you love fantasy for example, and Harry Potter introduced you to it, then you should explore further in that genre. Nothing wrong with that genre. You need to either read more then one thing or explore further in a genre you love. Saying you want to be a writer and not reading, is like saying you want to be a musician but don’t listen to music or that you want to be a swimmer but don’t like water. Also, it doesn’t matter what kind of writer you want to be. Sometimes those who want to be TV writers or screenwriters find that they watch a ton of movies or study the sitcom, they think that’s the key to writing. It’s not. At the end of the day, what you write is meant to be read, weather by actors or kids or adults or whatever. To write what is meant to be read, one has to read.

2. Write. You need to write. Maybe you won’t write the greatest thing right off the bat. Very few people sit down and write Harry Potter or Carrie the first time. Those few are the lucky ones. Maybe you will write short stories. With creative writing, be prepared to be disappointed with your first few attempts. You have to learn pacing. As I learn the art of fiction, I can’t tell you how many times I go into my bad habits. I love to get the story moving right off the bat, often. Within five pages, I know if my character is a wizard, vampire, robot curious about its own existence or government project. Or simply, if it’s a more realistic character, I will have it tell you its problem right off the bat. Pacing is tough. We didn’t know that Potter was a wizard or Carrie had powers until we got introduced to the world they inhabited first. You need to leave clues (yet again, another thing both Rowling and King are great at) but it’s so temping to right off the bat get to the exciting part.

3. Practice. I write mostly film and book reviews for this blog. A blog is a great place to get your stuff out there. Though, if you are going to blog, I think you should write out every blog entry onto a regular word document first. Approach every blog entry as if you’re writing a piece for a newspaper. Your Roger Ebert writing a movie review. Not some guy writing a piece for a blog. Write about a topic. Don’t just write a piece about what you ate for lunch. Writing non-fiction is a good way to start. Write about what already exists, while on the side you try to pace your dreams into workable fiction.

4. Stick with it. You might have a couple thousand cracks at that first novel. What should it be? The kid discovers he’s a wizard, angel, robot, knight in training, or an alien? Try out all your ideas and see which one takes off. If the outlandish isn’t working for you, then maybe you should try to write a novel about something you have experienced in life yourself. Or write short stories for all your ideas. Perhaps that’s better. A novel is a daunting task and a commitment. As I said, we all can't be Stephen King or J.K. Rowling or Dean Koontz (how does Stephen King, by the way, seem to publish a novel every twenty minutes but can't crank out a column for Entertainment Weekly on a weekly basis?)

5. And finally, good luck. As I said in my column on how to write columns, make me proud.