I See The Whole Picture. No One Else Does But I Do.

By Alec Horowitz

Three stars

It’s only a few minutes in when Boris (Larry David) the main character from Woody Allen’s new picture ‘Whatever Works’ walks up to the camera and starts to talk directly to the audience, telling them that he isn’t the most likable guy and wondering why they would want to listen to his story. His two friends sitting at a table outside a New York City café ask him who’s he’s talking to. He says ‘Those people out there.’ referring to the audience before he starts to complain about the people just staring ahead and the guy eating the popcorn. The character is played pitch perfect by Larry David, as he walks through the street ranting about how life is meanness and laying out what is constantly the reoccurring themes in a Woody Allen film.

Boris meets a young girl (Evan Rachel Wood) outside his apartment and takes her in, after she is begging for food. He rolls his eyes as she tells him stories from the south and being a pregnant queen. He ends up marrying her, as he talks to the camera outside a market in New York City on a rainy day, saying, “Can you believe I married her?” The way Boris talks to the camera is actually quite charming in this film, though. He’s sitting on a couch, he makes a hang motion to the camera and goes “We need to talk for a moment” referring to the audience. Ok, so early on his relationship with the young girl he marries is a bit cringe worthy but it’s not overplayed in a sexual way. Their relationship is more out of respect for each other. Boris needs a young person to keep him going. The young girl thinks he is a genius. Boris meets the young girl’s mother and father (Patricia Clarkson and Ed Begley Jr.) from the south, two God fearing simpletons.

As always though, another common theme in most Woody Allen films is how New York City changes the simpletons from the south. Patricia Clarkson totally changes and becomes an artist. The father discovers his true self. Don’t get me wrong; this film isn’t deep like other Allen films, which had a deeper underlining. A lot of this is recycled from other Woody Allen films. When I told someone about this film, they asked me “didn’t he already make that film”, to which I would say back whatever works.

Though, there’s always something to be said for even a smaller film in the library of 50 or so films Allen has made. Even a smaller film Allen has made has more insight and interesting qualities than fifty percent of the films currently playing in the theater. And besides, if you don’t like the actual film, at least you got to see some beautiful shots of New York City. No one shots New York City like Allen. The film at the end becomes as much about how New York City changes people as much as it’s about the worldview of Allen. Boris doesn’t quite get why anything should be celebrated. He feels people make life so much worst than it has to be. Obviously, this is how Allen feels about it as well.

Giant Robots. Hot Babes. No Script.

By Alec Horowitz

One Star

“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is a mind numbing experience that is so chock full of constant chase scenes, explosions and mindless insanity, that it goes from what should be a fun movie to a seizure waiting to happen. Shia LeBeuouf isn’t bad at his role. He’s a normal college freshman, trying to enjoy his first days at college. At this college, every girl looks like a printout from Maxim magazine. Now, one would think this would give the screenwriters some time to set up the characters and their new situations. I don’t want to sound like a snob. I understand this isn’t great screenwriting or anything, but the characters constantly pop like it’s a c grade anime. LaBeouf’s new roommate (Ramon Rodriguez) from the minute he meets him, in what should just be a scene setting up the two characters, righ away becomes a over the top scene with a fast talking character who has quick camera motions and over the top sound effects. And the robots aren't even on screen yet. Uh oh.

We have all the stock characters in place, but who cares. They try to insert some humor with LeBeauouf’s parents, played by Kevin Dunn and Julie White, and it would work if they would just slow down to for a scene or two. Now, as I said, I don’t want to sound like a snob, and it’s getting hard not to. After all, the audience is here to see the Autobots, the Decepticons and the Otherbots, who have meanless dialogue written by a couple screenplay-o-matic bots. Yes, the film delivers on this. Plenty of action scenes and explosions with the Transformers, blowing up all sorts of stuff, and jumping from place to place, with LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Ramon Rodriguez and John Turturro (yes, one of America’s finest actors collecting a paycheck) running from the robots as the machines battle and fall on stuff and stuff gets destroyed, and this all happens up to the point of enough already, with them transforming into cars and various forms of product placements directly in the bot’s being. I mean, is it really necessary to have the Honda logo on a character’s legs?

Michael Bay stumbles through this film, really giving his audience whatever they want. Explosions, no script and constant low grade action over maybe some science fiction. He gives the film explosion after explosion, up to the point that there is no real plot. There's little plot points here and there, and small attempts at being revelant with references to the war on terror, and even mentioning that President Barack Obama has been moved to a safe shelter during the robot invasion, but who cares. Is there even any reason to try to add anything resembling a plot? The movie becomes a bunch of loud sound effects and explosions and the Transformers making robot noises and transforming into stuff and the loud sound effects of my moans as I get a seizure in the movie theater.

I may sound like a snob here, but consider this. You know a movie is bad when it stops being fun watching Megan Fox run in slow motion in short shorts and a tank top. I mean, really, can looking at the body of Megan Fox really be overkill? Is that even possible? Considering the fact that this movie is way too long and that Megan Fox should just have a t-shirt and jeans on already because she's running away from large monsters, and maybe if your running away from earth eating monsters, it's time to consider putting your looks second. I know she's eye candy, but come on. There's a limit. When it gets to the point that looking at Megan Fox isn’t fun anymore, it’s time for your movie ticket to transform into a refund.

Michael Jackson: American Tragedy

By Alec Horowitz

Michael Jackson will always be remembered as the iconic king of pop. He had the bestselling album of all times. His music videos are classics, from John Landis’s “Thriller”, with Jackson in the street, dancing with zombies, singing “It’s close to midnight and something evil’s lurking in the night” to Martin Scorsese’s “Bad!” and songs like Billy Jean, with the ironic lyrics proclaiming the “kid ain’t my son!” to the bizarre commericialism, no one can deny that Jackson’s cultural impact is huge. He leaves behind an amazing body of work. From the ABC’s of the Jackson Five to the moon walk. Though, he also leaves behind something a bit more unusual too. He lives behind a mystery, a mirror of the dark side of American obsession and a story that can simply be described as tragic.

Jackson also leaves behind a story of a man who injected himself with chemicals to change the pigment of his skin. A man who didn’t understand that sharing a bed with children wasn’t appropriate. From his bizarre behavior of holding his children over the edge of a hotel, to his front-page scandals and a trial where he was accused of molestation, Jackson was something more than just a successful pop star. It would be too easy to pin Michael Jackson as a creepy pedophile. The media deemed him “Jacko!” and comedians had a blast making fun of him. Though, what made about Michael Jackson’s scandal clad career different from other careers is that Jackson was obviously a mentally ill man. He always seemed unaware of the serious problems he faced.

All you have to do is look at what Michael Jackson became with his pale skin, and his childlike behavior. He became a gentle monster, dancing on the roof of a car right before he was to go on trial , like he was treating it like a music video. It brings back the image of the bizzare scene where Jackson stands on top of a car, screams, breaks the windows and holds his pants in the middle of the music video, "Black and White". What do we make of Michael Jackson now that he is gone? Do we remember the cute kid? Do we remember the man doing the moonwalk? Do we remember the pale skinned man he became? Jackson is someone I have enjoyed over the years. His music was wonderfully done. He was a major talent. Looking at different phases of his career and life, he seems like was three different people and each person just went deeper and deeper and became just more bizarre.

He made us dance. His music will live on forever. Though, the man became was a mystery. I don’t know what to make of him. He was forever trying to chase a childhood he never had. He made his home his fantasy. He made his home into never Neverland, and the little boys he had around him were the lost boys. Michael Jackson was obsessed with Peter Pan. He seemed to have wanted to be Peter Pan, and he wanted the boys to be around. Though, maybe Jackson sadly even missed the point of his own obsessions, as he was overcome with his mental illness and had less and less touch with reality.

Michael Jackson made his fantasy a prison he built himself. His fantasy world became his obession. His Never Never land became the dream that never existed, and the childhood he chased but could never catch. Michael Jackson wasn’t Peter Pan. He was forever, deep down inside, behind the mask of the King of Pop. He wasn't Pete Pan, as he loved to think of himself as. Jackson did grow up, but he tried to fight it.

He was hanunted by his father's cruel abuse. He was tortured by mental illiness, unaware of the world, as he worked hard to create a private fantasy world of his own. He was the mirror of the darkest half of American culture. He was obessed with youth. He was abused and haunted by a youth that was all showbiz and no play. Jackson was a victim of himself and a victim of a culture that became him and infected him. His life a American treagedy. His being became a American freakshow. At the end of the day, he was somewhere between a child and a man. He wasn't Peter Pan. He was one of Peter Pan's lost boys. Michael Jackson had his heart in the right place, and a talent that could be just described as genius. Though, when it came to reality, he was tragic. He told his grip on reality to beat it. Just beat it.

Great Movies: Best Years Of Your Life? Think Again?

By Alec Horowitz

What a cruel and heartbreaking movie to watch. Though, what a refreshing realistic piece of work that honestly talks about how school was for so many of us. You won't find any romanticism about childhood or what it's like to go through school in this film. The 1995 debut film by Todd Solondz, “Welcome To The Dollhouse” is about one of the most realistic films ever made about school. The story is about a bullied 7^th grade girl, her nerdy brother, her crush on an older guy who has a local band, and her parents who worship the ground her attractive younger sister walks on. Your more likely to find truth in this girl played by Heather Matarazzo than any of the usual clichés that often populate high school films. In a time when teenager movies focus on a teenager’s biggest problem of whether to have sex, “Welcome To The Dollhouse” stands out as a relatable and realistic film. Maybe it’s because it is an independent film that allows it’s main character, a lonely and troubled 7^th grader named Dawn, to make us say to ourselves “Yeah, that was me as a teenager".

So many scenes in this film resonate with the truth about how cruel childhood can be. One scene that speaks volumes is a scene where Dawn is standing over her sister’s bed and she finds a hammer. She considers using the hammer on her sister, holding it over her head. Then she decides not to, and puts the hammer down to her side, and looks at her younger sister laying in her bed. A lesser movie would have had a moment where she says something clichéd about how she loves her sister deep down inside. Instead, she just looks at her sister and makes a statement of true feelings. “Your so lucky” she says. In another scene, Dawn asks her sister, who is named Missy, why she hates her. “Because you are ugly,” says Missy.

Dawn realizes she isn’t the only one with sibling problems. One of the kids who harasses Dawn in her school, goes so far as to say he’s going to “rape her at the end of the day.” Brandon brings Dawn out back the second day to the fences by the school, where he plans to “rape” her as he puts it. Instead he doesn’t do what she expects. He instead opens up to her about his brother, who he says is a retard, or as his brother is officially called, “mentally handicapped”.

Dawn than finds her sister is kidnapped and her parents pay even more attention to her sister than ever. She goes out, looking for her sister in New York City. In one of the most cringing scenes, Dawn is put up in front of the school, encouraged to thank them for their support while her sister was missing. We know that they didn’t support her and so does she. Though, she goes through with the thank you speech, but without a forced smile. Lets not forget that Dawn is only in middle school. She asks her brother if things improve in high school. He gives her a piece of advice about high school. “They call you names, but not as much to your face,” he says. As a former teenager, I couldn't of said it better.

Review: It's Logicial, Captain

By Alec Horowitz

Four Stars

The new ‘Star Trek’ starts off like a common adventure film that yells ‘J.J. Abrams’. A ship going down and a mother having a baby is rushed through the corridors of the space station in a wheel chair. Yes, we Trekies know what is coming. For those of you new to ‘Star Trek’ and haven’t seen the films, read the hundreds of novels, and have all the action figures lined up next to your computer, let me explain: this new child is going to be James Kirk. Kirk is going to grow up to become the misled kid who needs a place like Starfleet Academy to set him straight. Ok, because we have many new people to our mist of Trekies, let me explain. Starfleet Academy, though, it feels like Hogwarts in a few early scenes. It came way before Harry Potter and that media franchise.

Though, I want to appeal now to the fellow Trekies who are angry about a reboot of our flawless perfect beloved cannon. Fellows, lets give this new ‘Star Trek’ a chance. I, for one, loved it. This film is going to introduce ‘Star Trek’ to a whole new generation. True, maybe there aren’t as many long scenes of people just talking to each other about science fiction mumbo-jumbo, as we would like. I say lets start off with a colorful action film like we have here. The kids can get into longer talk scenes in the squeal. Don’t worry, it will come, and one other thing, Trekies: yes, I’m sorry but William Shanter and Leonard Nimoy can’t play these characters forever. As William Shanter will tell you himself: get a life.

Now that I’m done talking to Trekies, let me talk to the rest of you. This is a wonderfully fun film. Like ‘Harry Potter’, which finally made being a wizard sexy, the new ‘Star Trek’ film does the same; it makes being a Starfleet commander sexy. It’s been a long time since being a Starfleet commander had some sex appeal. Yes, early on in the film, I was a bit worried. Some product placement, a car chase in the Iowa corn fields and in one scene seeing Starfleet Academy look a bit like Hogwarts had me worried that this was going to try too hard to be hip. Then the film redeems itself before it loses ground completely to hipness. Zachary Quinto does a good job of continuing the tradition of an emotionally unemotional Spock who struggles with his attempts at human emotion, being torn between two worlds.

Chris Pine makes James Kirk an attractive kid, worthy of having his poster hung up in any teen girl’s bedroom. Zoe Salana is really great looking as Uhura, and her kissing with Spock does remind you why nerds love Star Trek. Heck, in real life, many nerds are like Spock. Pine Spoke is that cold alien, who shows small signs of human emotion. Also, the attractive James T. Kirk doesn’t seem to be getting the girl. The cold, intelligent and emotionally defunct Spoke does. Now, only in a Star Trek universe, does that seem logicial.

Anywhere else but 'Star Trek' does being a nerd seem so cool (expect for maybe Harry Potter). If Spock and James Kirt where competing for Uhura in a real setting setting, maybe high school, instead of the USS Enterprise, Spock seeming to have a relationship heating up with Uhura, instead of Kirk, would be, dare I say, illogicial captain?

Review: Hang In There, John Connor

By Alec Horowitz

Two and a half stars

When I go to a used bookstore, I like to go through boxes of different series of books. It can often be hard to find the right kind of book, because the series of books are often out of order or missing books, and you can’t start a book series in the middle, or you will have no idea what’s going on in the book. The same could be said for the new Terminator film, “Terminator: Salvation”, which sounds like a franchise reboot. Don’t be fooled. “Terminator: Salvation” is not a franchise reboot, in a movie season chock full of them like “Star Trek” and “Friday the 13^th”.

If your going to see “Terminator: Salvation”, you better know something about Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Terminator 3: Rise of The Machines and Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, the smart but short lived show on the Fox Network to know what’s going on in Terminator: Salvation. Even as I check the Wikipedia page for Terminator Salvation, it says under plot: see Terminator 3.

Terminator: Salvation is directed by McG, who starts the film off with a man on death row named Marcus (Sam Worthington), who is convinced to donate his organs to charity. Year’s later; he wakes up as a Terminator himself. He meets John Connor (Christian Bale, cashing in his new status as a nerd icon). Connor is still leading the revolution against the machines. He doesn’t know he is a machine yet. He travels with a little girl who doesn’t speak and a man through the desert of deserted Los Angeles. There’s a scene where they go to an abandoned 7-11 (worst product placement of the year). As cool as the scene was, watching the giant robot attack, when one of the human fighters is talking, it’s hard to take him seriously when in the background; it says, “Try our New Slurpee." 7-11 shares honors with Sony for worst product placement. The world is in total ruins and Sony is still in business?

Anyway, the film can be fun. The giant robots chasing humans, as they try to escape slaughterhouses run by the robots. The romance between the death row inmates who’s now a robot and the human women who feels he is more than a machine and he has a soul. John Connor running, trying to get everyone out. McG is a good choice for this assignment. I’m glad this wasn’t a Michael Bay product. Fun, fun, fun but only if you understand the plot. There is a scene where Skynet is explained to Marcus by a computer. Still, they can explain as much as they want. If you don’t know the first few films or the short lived television series or both, your not going to get this film. It even has a fun but campy cameo by Arnold Schwarzenegger, which serves as fan service. Most of this film is fan service.

Yes, it’s a good try at introducing a new generation to The Terminator, but while ‘Star Trek’ successfully re-booted the francise, this film is for followers and fans only. Maybe you should buy the video game before seeing this film. The truth is that either way, the experience will be about the same, and to have that experience, you don't even need to know a thing about the backstory. Just know how to aim your gun at a giant robot. You know, like the video game Call of Duty, except with a human/robot war instead of World War II.

Great Movies: Swept Away By The Wonders of Growing Up

By Alec Horowitz

‘Spirited Away’ is Hayao Miyazaki’s masterpiece, which is saying a lot for a man who makes a masterpiece every time he makes a film. This is the second Great Movie column I have written about a Miyazaki film, the first being ‘Flying Into Adolescence’, about the wonderful ‘Kiki’s Delivery Service’. As I will point out, yet again, our hero is a heroine. Miyazaki likes female characters. When asked about what inspired him to make this film, he said he went out to dinner with a friend, whose daughter came along with them. She seemed lost in her own world. The film starts indeed with a daughter, sitting in the backseat of her parent’s car, holding onto flowers, upset about having to go to a new school. She comes off as a spoiled kid.

Their car arrives in what her parents think is an abandoned amusement park. She is scared. She feels something wrong that her parents don’t see. Her parents walk into a line of booths. They quickly see free food, start to chow down and say ‘Don’t worry, daddy’s got a debit card’, and soon they are magically turned into pigs. Spirits start to come out and ten year old Chihiro is lost, and now a temporary orphan. The spirits are colorful and a testament to animation. She meets a boy who works there named Haku, who tells Chihiro he has known her since she was very young. She is baffled but too scared at the moment to ask questions. She starts to fade. Haku gives her a piece of food to keep her strength up.

She soon meets new friends and foes. A bathhouse girl named Lin, who becomes like an older sister to her and an old man with many legs who works in the boiler room named Kamajii. One of the most charming scenes early on in the film is when Lin tells Chihiro to say thank you to Kamajii for giving her a job. It’s a small scene, but it’s the first scene that shows growth. Maybe Chihiro’s parents didn’t teach her to say thank you but Lin will.

The film’s music is lovely because the Japanese Philharmonic performs it. The song ‘One Summers Day’ is haunting, as it begins with just a few notes of a lovely piano. Chihiro soon meets her first villain, Zeniba who takes away her name, after she is forced to ask for her first job and refuses to leave till she gets it. If she can do the job, Zeniba will let her family go. If she doesn’t, she will work at the spirit resort forever.

Chihiro meets another villain. The villain is a spirit of greed. Though, he doesn’t stay a villain and even he can change when he finds somewhere that he is accepted, but I’m going to give away too much. I will just say there is a scene where he offers her gold. She refuses to take it; instead just saying his thank you is enough. She is growing up. Growing up is what the film is all about. This is Miyazaki’s masterpiece. I’m not going to give away too much than I already have. Expect to say I hope you find this film as wonderful, haunting and memorable as I did.

I remember seeing this film in the theater. In the United States, the film was released by Disney. People assumed because it was animation, it was just for kids, but the theater ended up with many screaming and crying kids. Japanese animation, or as they call it, 'anime' isn't often made just to please children. The Japanese understand that animation is a artform. They understand that it is a art. Hayao Miyazaki understands that animation is a artform where you can find magic in the quiet, the dark and yes, even the cute.