Friday, November 12, 2010

High As A Hawk!

Man, so I was reading an article in the local newspaper and I came across this report that Student Senator Marc Pottak was trying to change the drug laws and the first thing I thought to myself, “New Paltz has drug laws?” I was taken aback. I just assumed that New Paltz was a magical town just south of Hogwarts! Yes, it’s true, New Paltz has drug laws! Even more shocking, New Paltz, according to the article, has the strictest drug laws of all the SUNY schools. According to the New Paltz website, the drug law is called the “No Second Chance Policy.” What the heck are they talking about? New Paltz doesn’t give second chances? Not the New Paltz I know! The New Paltz I know gives a second chance to lots of people. Between the ultra liberal professors and the image this school has built over the years as the school you want to go to if your thing is sitting on the front stoops of coffee shops, getting drunk people to think your band is amazing (it’s not), and trying to pass off slam poetry as a valid form of expression. Sorry, I just happen to think that Slam Poetry is loud. Maybe I should stand up on a bench and yell every single word of this column at you. Then this column would be deep! As I was saying, if New Paltz wasn’t the school of second chances, the school be well, empty.

According to this so-called policy, a penalty for the first offense or strike will be no less then disciplinary probation, and educational or clinical intervention. The second offense will be no less then expulsion. As I said, not cool, New Paltz. Seriously, a strict drug policy at New Paltz! The interim president refuses to change the policy. This reminds me of the mayor trying to jam the Noise Ordinance down the throats of students and residents. I remember thinking to myself, New Paltz not noisy? Remember, what I said earlier? I remember stumbling down the sidewalks of New Paltz drunk, while bands played loudly through the windows. Of course, New Paltz is loud. It’s a college town. A college town that isn’t noisy would be well not a college town, and of course, it has drugs. Once again, it’s a college town. So, this is really ironic. The liberal haven of New Paltz has the strictest drug policy of all the SUNY schools. Now, the school is holding a forum on the drug laws that’s going to take place soon. “We are hoping to show that there is a consistent opinion about the policy on campus and what kinds of changes people want to see” Pottak says in the article.

The school does need to rethink its drug policy. Two strikes and you’re out on marijuana smoking is a bit over the top. Other schools have a three strike policy.Look, I understand the school’s desire to crack down on marijuana but this isn’t the way to do it. Two strikes and you’re out while other schools have three strikes is a bit absurd. I guess I shouldn’t be the lecturer about drug policies. I am hardly a druggy and I tend to roll my eyes at pot heads.

So, what’s the point of this column, all joking aside? Look, I’m not advocating
drugs. I don’t smoke weed. I can’t. My brain is my only asset, and my only skill is writing these stupid little columns that they run in newspapers, and people read and spill coffee on. I can’t afford to lose any brain cells. That’s why I don’t drink that much either. My only drug is caffeine. After all, caffeine is the only drug that’s actually served to you in college lobbies across the country. Didn’t ever think of that one, huh? How do they know it? I don’t know. And I look forward to your letters about how slam poetry is great art, and so is your band. I love New Paltz. Though, I have to say that having such a strict policy when it comes to marijuana makes no sense. We can do better, New Paltz. Come on, New Paltz, Newsweek called you the “hottest little school in the country.” You don’t want to ruin it. You already are grating on the nerves by changing the logo of the school from a hawk to a corporate thingy. Seriously, have you seen that new logo? What happened to the Hawk? That was a great logo, because New Paltz is like a hawk, because hawks fly high. Just like New Paltz.

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