Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Vetting, Vetting, Gone

By Alec Horowitz

The Obama Administration has been having a ton of problems with vetting lately. Their first choice for Security of Commence seemed like a slam-dunk, and as we know by the Bush Administration’s use of the word, slam-dunk is not a good thing. Bill Richardson, former Presidential candidate, popular Hispanic governor of New Mexico and someone who looked like Santa Clause with the bread added. He seemed good when he first stepped foot into the appointment, but soon has to resign because he was being investigated by the federal government. Uh, ok. Well, it’s one mistake. Obama can overcome this! Yes we can! Yes we can! Yes, we can vet the next person right. Yes, Tom Daschle can!

Tom Daschle was appointed to be security of human health and services, and seemed like a great choice. He was long known as a great advocate for universal health care. Universal health care! Yes we can! Yes we can! As he stood behind the microphone, answering questions during the vetting process, it seemed the only thing wrong with Tom Daschle was his choice of pink glasses. Who told him to wear pink glasses? Seriously? Pink glasses? Hey, though, this was going to be the man who is going to get us universal health care. Than something came up that wasn’t expected. A little problem called back taxes came up. It seemed there was something in his past. An evil monster called back taxes. Scary, I know.

So, than Daschle had to step down and Barack Obama felt like he was in the movie ‘Groundhog Day’. He just went through a similar episode with Timothy Geithner, who did get in as Secretary of the Treasury. Though, Geithner happened not to pay his back taxes. Than Barack Obama had a brilliant idea. If the Democrats weren’t paying their taxes, maybe the Republicans paid their taxes. Plus, appointing a Republican would go with his whole message of change. Lets bring the people together! Democrats and Republicans! Together at last in a bipartisan way! So, Barack Obama tried to appoint Republican senator Judd Gregg into his cabinet. Of course, Judd Gregg was on board for a little while until he saw that the cool kids in the Republican Party weren’t letting him eat at the lunch table of the congressional building. He got upset, because Rush Limbaugh’s mom always packs the best cookies and he shares it with his friends at the cool table, so he ended up turning down Obama’s offer to join.

So, there was obviously nothing left for Obama to do. He has had some successful appointments. Hillary Clinton was doing a great job as Security of State. Joe Biden was a good choice for the Vice President. See, these where some good appointees. Though, he might have to appoint some new people to do his vetting. Some of the people he has appointed to vet didn’t do a good job and don’t get how they glossed over some of the obvious problems some of the people vetting had. Obama got up from his desk, and picked up a small white box.

Obama went to his security of ‘chill’. He didn’t have to do too much vetting when he appointed this guy during college. Anything shady about this representative was found out years ago and no one seemed to care about it anymore. He told everyone that he stopped doing business with this representative, but it was one lie that wasn’t the end of the world. No, it wasn’t that shady real estate dealer in Chicago. He told the secret service to stand outside the back alley of the White House, because President Obama needed to have a meeting with Representative Joe Camel. Representative Camel didn’t require any vetting, just a match.

1 comment:

John Purcell said...

Dude, this was really awesome!